Names
by thelastcity
Summary: Brennan reflects on her many names and who those people are.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Names  
**Summary:** Brennan reflects on her many names and who those people are.  
**Rating:** K+  
**Genre:** General/Friendship  
**Characters:** Brennan. Mentions of everyone else.  
**Spoilers:** Up through "The Bone that Blew"  
**Author's note:** My first fic. The idea came to me while thinking about my high school nickname and how I sometimes felt like two different people. Especially since there was a select group of people not allowed to refer to me by that nickname. That, and I've always thought that Brennan refers to herself as "Brennan," but have noticed that other writers have her call herself Temperance or Tempe.  
And I definitely wrote this instead of studying for exams. And then I edited it instead of studying for exams. Whoops.  
**Disclaimer:** I have absolutely zero claim to Bones or any of it's characters. Same goes for Shakespeare, though at this point I'm fairly confident that he's subject to the fair-use doctrine.

And a big thank you to SapphireDesire for betaing :)

* * *

Names.

You have been thinking, for a while, about the names people call you and who those people are. Temperance. Dr. Brennan. Tempe. Brennan. Joy. Bones. What do they mean? Who are they, really? Shakespeare says that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but is that really true? You don't think so. You think that the different names people call you mean different things. They evoke different personalities. They are different people. (Even though you know that that's not rational or true. A person may respond to any number of names and still be the same person. A name is just a differentiator, something to distinguish you from the woman you're standing next to. But still. You're a fiction writer, so you can use that poetic permit thing with this concept, right? Right.)

Joy. She died a long time ago. Well, she didn't literally die, her name was just changed. If she had literally died you wouldn't exist right now. But you're getting off-road. Focus. You don't remember being Joy. You can't even remember anyone ever calling you that name. Well, except McVicar. But he doesn't count. He was a lying serial killer, and he was just trying to mess with your head. So Booth and Angela say. No, Joy died when you were two. You never were Joy Keenan, and you never will be.

Dr. Brennan. You are her to many people. It's your professional title. It alerts people that you are a force to be reckoned with. Dr. Brennan is the personification of everything everyone told you that you could never, and would never, be. Dr. Brennan "kicks ass and takes names," though you don't really know exactly what that means. Booth said that about her once, and he didn't explain himself properly when you asked him what it meant. It sounded pretty good, though, and you decided that you liked it. Dr. Brennan also knows 3 types of martial arts (is that the "kicking ass" part? Where does the "taking names" part come in, though?), can hunt, is a registered marksman, and can take care of herself. She is cool, calm, and collected. She knows what she wants, not to mention how and where to get it. Dr. Brennan is brilliant, takes crap from no one, and can always find the answer hidden in the body in front of her. You like being Dr. Brennan. She's someone who is taken seriously, who is listened to, and who is respected.

Tempe. She doesn't really exist anymore. Few people know her or even try to call you Tempe. And fewer still are allowed to call you Tempe more than once. As a matter of fact, as of late it's really only been people you feel like you are expected to let in who do. Max. Russ. Sully. Jared. Well, you regretted allowing Jared to call you Tempe. Jared was, overall, a huge mistake (not that you'd done anything but kiss him. Without tongue, no less. You still regretted it, though). But he had, however inadvertently, told you more about Booth, which is positive. Kind of. It wasn't really happy information. Enough about him, though.

Max and Russ have known Tempe ever since she was a little girl. You didn't think it would be very nice to ask them to call you something else. Plus, you supposed, they still held that vestige of you being young and innocent. A child. They wanted to hold on to that, even if you are no longer that little girl. That little girl died when you were fifteen. She didn't know what it was like to be anything but happy (Andy Fluger aside). She didn't know what it felt like to have her parents abandon her, to be in the foster system, to cry herself to sleep wishing that someone would notice and hold her tightly until she felt safe again, loved again. No, that's not Tempe.

Sully called you Tempe, too. You allowed it, mainly because he couldn't deal with calling you Brennan. Too impersonal, he said. It isn't impersonal! It's...well, you'll come to Brennan shortly. Anyway, allowing Sully to call you Tempe was your way of trying to be happy again, trying to re-capture the young, innocent girl who didn't know what pain and abandonment were. In the end it hadn't worked. Sully had sailed off into the horizon on his boat, just another person abandoning you. He had asked you to go with him, but you knew it wasn't right. That Tempe you were trying to re-capture just didn't exist anymore. Doesn't exist anymore.

Temperance. You became Temperance, not Tempe, in foster care. Before that, you accepted either it or Tempe, though you generally preferred Tempe. But once you entered the system, you wanted people to use your full name. You knew, then, that Tempe was gone, and you certainly didn't want these people, who pretended to be your family, to address you as your real family had. Even though not all of the "families" were bad, even though you desperately wanted to stay with some of them, you knew it wouldn't last. They always left in the end, just like your real family did. As far as you were concerned, you were Temperance from then on. It was a big, strong name, and you were going to be a big, strong girl.

You dropped Temperance once you left the system, but lately you've been introducing yourself as Temperance again sometimes. To Hailey when she was in the hospital, for example. Even a few dates have been introduced to Temperance. Temperance doesn't hurt as much as Tempe did, though Temperance is still very wary and is still someone who doesn't get too close to people. You tend to be Temperance with people you feel think should have a slightly more personal relationship with (your doctor (sometimes), dates, nieces, and so on). Yet it's a superficially personal relationship. If that makes any sense. And, of course, it does. Well, to you, anyway. Temperance still remembers how it felt to be abandoned and left to fend for herself in the foster system. You don't make real personal relationships in the system. You can't. It's not worth it. Temperance knows that, and it's hard to teach an old cat new tricks (or is it dog? You'll have to ask Booth).

Brennan. Brennan emerged when you started college. She was someone new, someone who had felt Tempe's pain and who wanted to start moving away from it. Most of the people you are now closest to call you Brennan. They know, more or less, who she is. She's not quite as cold as Dr. Brennan, and she's more open than Temperance, but she's definitely not nearly as open and innocent as Tempe was. When you refer to yourself, even in your mind, you call yourself Brennan. She is the basic essence of your personality now. She works just as hard as Dr. Brennan, but she also has friends. Good friends. Friends like Angela (though she calls you Sweetie, or Bren), Hodgins (even he sometimes calls you Dr. B for short, but you don't mind), and Cam (though you aren't particularly close with her. And she calls you Dr. Brennan. Somehow, though, it's not the same Dr. Brennan you mentioned before. You'd let her call you Brennan if she tried). Sweets knows Brennan, too, but out of respect he calls you Dr. Brennan (or maybe it's fear. You're not sure yet). Brennan can also take care of herself; after all, she has all of the same skills as Dr. Brennan. The main difference between the two is that Brennan also has a heart, the way people think Dr. Brennan doesn't. She just doesn't really know how to show it, and she's not sure if she wants to. People with hearts get hurt.

And then there's Bones. You've had the hardest time trying to figure out who Bones is. Booth gave you _this_ ridiculous nickname. Despite your original protests, you can't help but notice how it's grown on you. Not that you'll ever admit this to him. Well, maybe never. You might have to if he ever tries to call you Tempe. You don't think that will happen, though. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though, right Brennan? Right. Booth is the only one who calls you Bones. And, if you're honest with yourself, he's the only one you want to call you Bones. Jared tried, and though you didn't correct him (you should have), Booth did. And you're glad of that, now. Bones is your name from Booth, and it should stay that way. Well, maybe with the exception of Parker.

Anyway. Bones is...Bones is strong, and she can take care of herself. She is also brilliant and a problem-solver and she can pull answers out of anything as long as she has the right tools. But Bones also hurts. Sometimes she hurts a lot, because she has a heart and she uses it. And sometimes when she hurts, she wishes that someone would hold her tightly until she feels safe again, loved again. Usually she wishes that someone were Booth. Bones also cries. Not a lot, but she does. No one else cries. You thought Temperance did, but looking back you've realized that Temperance wasn't the one crying. It was Bones. Bones gets excited about digs in China. Bones is also afraid of letting her father in again and even more afraid of him leaving all over (but you'll never tell Sweets that you know he's right). Bones realizes when she has said something wrong or hurtful, even if she doesn't always know how to fix it. But she (sort of) understands what she's done and at least tries to repair it.

After all of this, you've come to the conclusion that each of your names evokes someone slightly different. A part of the entire you. No one is the whole you, except for Bones. She is the sum of the parts. Bones is the one who has been hidden behind your walls of Brennan, Dr. Brennan, Temperance, and all the rest, since you were fifteen. When Tempe left, and your walls were put up, Bones was born. She just didn't have a name until Booth found her. You'd like very much to be Bones. Bones is safe (even though she can take care of herself. Secretly, though, she sometimes likes it when he protects her). Bones is loved (you pretend that you don't know that he loves you, but you do). Bones will be held (whether she admits that she wants to be or not). Bones makes him laugh (even if she didn't mean to). Bones herself can laugh (and, you must admit, she likes to laugh). Bones can cry (and not be ashamed of it). And, Bones can love. She does love, as a matter-of-fact. She loves Booth. Because Booth found Bones and he didn't try to change her. He only tries to love her.

You'd love to be Bones. But you're not ready. Not yet. And that's okay, because your friends, the ones who matter, they understand. And they love you anyway, no matter who you are that day.


	2. Author's Note

**Additional Author's Note:**

It seems many readers have noticed striking similarities between this story and blc's "The Name of the Rose" chapter of _The Magpie's Nest_. For the record, yes, I read her stories, and yes, I have read that one. In fact, I read most of her stories. However, I did not intentionally try to take or copy her idea, though it is quite likely that having read that piece gave my subconscious the push to write my own (and is also very likely what prompted me to include Shakespeare's quote in it). We've been in contact with each other, and she has told me she doesn't have any major issue with my story and has graciously allowed me to keep it posted. In the interest of fairness (and since I don't know if I can add it to the initial posting), consider this my credit to her wonderful story and what was likely the subconscious catalyst for writing my own.


End file.
